


The Joker's Clown

by SwankOceanMan



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Killing Joke (2016), Batman: The Killing Joke (Comics)
Genre: Acid Joker, Batcave, Batjokes, BatmanxJoker - Freeform, BatsxClowns, Canon-Typical Violence, Closeted Character, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, Humor, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non Canonical Immortal, Past Abuse, Rehabilitation, Romance, Self-Harm, Smut, Struggle, Suicidal Thoughts, secret feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-05-14 19:09:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwankOceanMan/pseuds/SwankOceanMan
Summary: Bruce Wayne will stop at nothing in order to keep Gotham safe. Even if that means almost always ignoring his own needs. Maybe the lack of sleep is why he ended up escorting the Joker straight into the Batcave instead of an Arkham cell.Maybe Bruce really is crazy... because as the days go by he starts learning more and more about the madman in his proximity, and he starts to feel certain things that he's never noticed before.Set in a DCU (after the Killing Joke) where the Batman, Joker, and a few others are immortal by strange and different circumstances.(Though I wish I did, I do not own DC; or any of its amazing characters!)





	1. How To Build A Batman

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys... If y'all have any suggestions or critiques about anything; please feel free to let me know! I'm doing this because of my love for DC and Batjokes, but I'm also doing it to grow as a writer. So please, any questions or opinions, please let me know! <3

Okay, guys! First real chapter! Here... We... Go!

\--------------

Bruce Wayne POV  
\--------------

**Bruce Wayne POV**

 

Bats no longer get to me.

They haven’t made their way under my skin as well as certain costumed criminals have, that's for sure.

Not just any normal arsonists or cat burglars either, and technically we're not even talking about multiple deviants.

Just _one_.

A homicidal maniac dressed to the nines in a tailored three-piece suit, with a taste for clown makeup and apparently all things _Batman._

As a vigilante, or as a person with **morals** in general; the Clown Prince's actions, as well as his thought process, gives me heart palpitations. The often non-judicial murdering sprees and designless outbursts of masochistic, psychotically uncontrolled crime are often; and he strikes without warning. With no remorse for his behavior, the Joker can commit any crime he pleases without any feeling of guilt or fear of incarceration. Whether it's an elementary bank heist or a simple massacre, he handles it with ease and distinct precision; much alike to a brain surgeon on his finest day. Thousands have perished at the will of a diseased clown, and millions more will if I can't make sure he's treated in a tight-knit psych-ward with stable rules, and capable walls and doctors to wield him and his psychosis into submission.

Being myself, I can only do so much without risking my identity. I can't just storm into Arkham Asylum whenever I deem fit, seeing as the philanthropist Bruce Wayne shouldn't be in distress about patients in a facility like that; let alone have any affliction on whether or not the Joker is being treated for his mental illness properly.

The depressing part is that I really _do_ care about the well being of all the patients at Arkham Asylum, but that's not up for public concern. It would be a PR disaster. You'd think it would boost morale, wanting to help a mentally ill man... not even close. Ever since Quinn's fall, anyone with any kind of interest in helping his case is regarded with disgust, and the media quickly have a hay day. That's one of the many reasons why it takes months to find Joker a new doctor after he's returned from one of his escapades. No one wants to be ridiculed in the fashion that only the Joker can bring on; the fucker doesn't even have to say a word to cause a plethora of problems.

All the media imagine or expect of me is to be Bruce Wayne, billionaire-playboy idiot with a charming smile and a dashingly different woman on his arm every evening of the week. My charity work often goes unnoticed, as it should. In my opinion, if you're doing something like that for attention then you shouldn't be doing it at all.

Back to matters at hand, Bruce Wayne isn't allowed to care. I'm not even allowed to legitimately be myself hell, _I_ don't even know who that is anymore.

I genuinely **envy** the Joker. I'm envious of his ability to be himself without being ashamed. Taking into account that he is a psychotic masochist with death on speedial; my envious thoughts are more or less often kept to myself.

The ability he has to just not care...

He doesn't care about what anyone thinks of him; that is why he can be himself, he could care less what the Gazette thinks of him. He could care less that the doctors think that he's clinically, and incurably insane.

He. Does. Not. Care.

How I wish that was possible for myself.

I wish that I could channel the outgoing parts of his personality; because In all honesty, I'm a fucking  _recluse._  I hate parties and crowds... Large groups of people aren't my thing. Sadly my birth name forces me to  **make** parties my preferable activity.

 

It's a mask that I absolutely hate wearing.

 

Most of the time I want to just stray away from the substantive world and amble languidly into a sufferable madness that would hoist me from reality and into a world of my unadulterated, exuberant imagination.

I get a dismally paltry piece of that when I get into the kevlar every night to defend my city, but I could never have the full piece of my desires. Even with all my riches, I could never afford that opulence.

If I ever were to welcome the hand that lunacy has reached out towards me time and time again, Batman would no longer be able to preserve Gotham. As there would ostensibly be no Batman. Bruce Wayne would be no more. There would only be...

A lonely man that cannot accept death, or ever take part in it and taste its sweet nectar.

That's the only true difference between me and the Joker; humanity didn't separate us, nor humility.

Hysteria is what truly separates us. He has accepted madness. _I_ resolved to **reject it** , and I will continue to repel it for as long as I possibly can.

The truly hilarious part of everything is that the Joker himself isn't really even that dangerous.

His mind is.

The Joker can throw a mean left hook don't get me wrong, and he has an immunity to seemingly almost everything; it's just purely obvious that his mind is his greatest tool. Some of his antics are just part of him being... well, _him_. Some of it is his mental illness, other parts are his anger, or his sadness from being alone, but others are whatever the hell made him such a threat to society. Whatever turned him into the horrid man he is today.

From what his patient records show, the Joker wasn't even born until he became his new self. No birth certificate was ever uncovered, no drivers license, nothing.

All that means is that man A, couldn't afford to go to the doctor in his past life or B, he wiped the records clean of his former self.

The Joker has told me many times, while laughing like an idiot of course, that he burned his birth certificate, along with his father's; but I never really take him seriously when he's acting like that.

The Joker, no matter how much he deflects, is clinically insane.

I've never really blamed him for how his mind works, it would be wrong to. Blaming him for being sick would be the same as blaming a small child for breaking their arm from falling off their bike, or even blaming a geriatric for slipping down the stairs.

He cannot help it.

The Joker's sick, and delusional. Any attempt I have ever made to try to fix him has ended poorly. I offer help time, and time again, but he rejects it and tries to write my offer for help off as a joke every time.

If it's not a harmless joke, it's a personal one. The ones where he basically admits his undying love for me, are the sickest ones of all. He knows that they get to me; it's as if he knows the real secret that I struggle with every time he looks into my eyes.

No one could ever know... The tabloids would shame me, Alfred would disown me...

_No one could ever know that I'm gay._

It is my secret; I have to deal with it.

After all, Bruce Wayne couldn't be attracted to men! My playboy persona has a reputation to uphold, and I am required to keep playing a part until the end of time.

I just push my feelings aside and keep busy cleaning away the filth that roams the streets of Gotham. I spend almost all of my time being who I have to be for Gotham. Batman strikes fear into criminals. Batman protects the innocents. Batman is... He's...

Batman is all that I know anymore, that’s who I am now; who I've always been.

Gotham and Alfred are all I have left. Without them, I would be nothing. Not Bruce, not Batman... Just nothing...

\---

A dark-damp sulfur-scented cave is a very lonely place to be when you're depressed.

I'm assuming that this cavern in my chest that won't leave no matter what I do that's also accompanied by these horribly crushing thoughts is most likely that.

Trouble keeping my food down, I can hardly sleep; I'm just alone in my own head. No matter how hard I try to climb up out of this hole I'm in, I just somehow seem to dig myself deeper into it. The higher I climb, the deeper it gets, the further I end up falling into it.

I put that cowl on and pretend like I'm the strongest man in the world, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Despite my many years of training, I'm weak. Physically I am like a titanium wall, but mentally I'm a house of cards just begging to be blown over. The man in me wants to stay strong, but in reality, there's no way that I can be.

It's not like anyone would understand if I told them how I feel anyways. They would just tell me that I have no reason to be sad. I'm rich, ‘handsome’, and I have an amazing career they'd say. 'What do you of all people have to be sad about?' I don't know would be my response I'm just... 'Then cut it out! Can't you just man up and be happy? Are you not grateful for all you have? I am... I just can't... **breathe**!

The scenarios played out in my head daily. "Billionaire Suicide" "Gotham's most eligible bachelor found hanging" I had already planned my death and made attempts on my life several times over.

Nothing ever worked.

Thankfully, for Alfred at least, I can't fucking die.

That freaking bat incident wouldn't allow me to. It's quite funny when you analyze the situation. A small puncture wound on my arm from a tiny radiation-infected nocturnal creature is making sure that I can't die. The bat was infested with some sort of chemical compound of sorts, from God only knows where. No matter how many times I ran my blood through the Batcomputer, a cure has never come up.

I guess it's a blessing and a curse, considering my nightly activities.

Sadly there's more proof of my immortality beyond my age being a bit over fifty, with no grey hairs or wrinkles showing, _no that could just be my genetics_. I had been given proof of my immortality time after time over the years. I had been pushed off of buildings, falling more than 50 stories, landing on my back without a scratch. I have been shot, I've been electrocuted, and I've even tried to blow my own brains out. There's no way that I would've been able to survive any of what I've been through without that bat taking a chunk out of my arm.

\---

The day the Batman was born, was the day that my new life began.

I was running away from my mother and father’s funeral. That's what I remember. My parents were being lowered into their eternal slumber, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of Alfred's and everyone else's sight.

I couldn't let those assholes that didn’t even know my parents beyond a few galas and charity balls see me cry. I was a boy, but everyone expected me to be a man then. I was the only living Wayne, I had to be a man; and a real man never cried, at least from my point of view. My father hadn't even cried when he was dying.

I had no excuse, I was **weak**.

The forest I had run into wasn't even really anything but a mass of trees on my property, the closest thing you can get to a natural wood in Gotham these days.

Tears clouded my vision, as my breath hitched in my throat, causing me to slow down. Before I could comprehend what was happening, a loud crack broke out in the silent woods, my head dipped down to see wooden boards right before disaster hit.

My feet disappeared beneath me as I feel a good six or seven feet into the darkness.

Light poured into the hole or  _cave_ that I had fallen into. I had landed on my back, my eyes closed and my head dazed and the wind knocked out of me.

I quickly opened my eyes to see where I had fallen from directly above me.

Some broken boards hung loosely from a small hole in the earth. Whoever tried to cover it did a shoddy job of it seeing as how an 85-pound eleven-year-old fell through it.

I shook the dirt from my hair and quickly stood, looking at the dark mass of space that would eventually become the place where I spend most of the worst, and best of my adult years.

The first thought that came to my head was to scream for help. I quickly realized that that was one of the biggest mistakes I will have ever made in my lifetime... Immediately after my plea for help bounced off the walls of the pit I was in, a loud shrieking flooded into my eardrums.

What seemed like thousands of bats began swarming around me, instantly making my world go completely black. The shrieking became louder, and louder so I covered my ears with my palms hoping to drown out the awful noise.

As soon as I moved, I felt what can only be described as satan himself crawling down my left arm. I turned my head in the direction of the pain just as a small amount of light re-entered the cave. A bat had latched itself onto my arm and had no plans of letting go.

I screamed out in horror, realizing all of the diseases that the small creature most likely contained, even then I was a bit of a nerd; apparently rabies was the _least_ of my worries.

Flailing my arms in all directions like an idiot, I hit a wall with my fingertips and slammed against it with my left shoulder facing towards it.

Almost as quickly as it came the pain dulled, and the jaws of the bat unclenched from my arm, I sighed in relief.

All of the bats had fled out of the cave, only I and the small lifeless body of the bat that had bitten me remained. I looked down and felt pity for the small creature. It was only his instinct to bite me, it didn't deserve to die.

I frowned and pulled a handkerchief out of my breast pocket, wrapping the small creature in it completely. The poor thing was unusually small and I realized that I very well could have just gently pulled it from my arm.

I tucked the bat into my pocket and decided to bury it in the garden when I got back to the manor.

Just as I completed that action, Alfred peaked his head over the hole containing me, and I couldn't have been more grateful for him at that moment. How in the hell did he even-

"Master Bruce, are you in there?!"

Alfred, though younger than, did require spectacles, and had, in fact, dropped them while running after me. Not to mention the horrid darkness of the 'predicament' that I had literally fallen into.

"Alfred! Yes, help me!" I cried out in happiness reaching for him as if life depended on it. We both quickly realized that I was too short to reach his hand, and so Alfred called for some assistance.

When I got out of that cave life had changed for me. I hadn't realized it yet, but nothing would be considered normal for me ever again. I became Batman that day, and I didn't even realize it until many years later.

The bat was buried in the garden that day.

And a new Bruce Wayne was born.

  
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AN: Okay guys! Wow, chapter one! I'm so happy that you're on this journey with me and Bruce! Any comments or suggestions? If so, they are greatly appreciated, good or bad. Either way, they'll help this story and I grow, so feel free to state your opinion!

I love you guys! <3

Until the next chapter...

-SOM

-Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit-

 

I updated this chapter, and I got a chapter four out for Y'all; finally after months of waiting! I'm. So, Sorry!

Waiting for writers to update their fanfiction sucks, and believe me, I know that as much as you guys... It just took a really long time with all the factors contributing to why I couldn't sit down for an hour or two and get Y'all a chapter out.

 I'm really sorry for the long wait!

And if your new to this fic, welcome! I'm glad you've come to tag along! I really can't wait to go on this journey with all of you!

If you guys have any questions, comments, or suggestions ask/give me, feel free to do so! I absolutly love hearing from Y'all <3

Okie dokie,

love Y'all!

-SwankOceanMan

*~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~*


	2. A Few Encounters With A Madman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Wayne will stop at nothing to keep Gotham safe. Even if that means ignoring his own mental and personal needs. Maybe that's why he ended up escorting the Joker straight into the Batcave instead of an Arkham cell.  
> Maybe Bruce really is crazy... because as the days go by he starts learning more and more about the madman in his proximity, and he even begins to care more about him. 
> 
> Follow Batman and the Joker in this twisted and emotional story, and maybe you'll realize that Batman and the Joker together, isn't so crazy after all...
> 
> Set in a DCU (after the Killing Joke) where the Batman, Joker, and a few others are immortal by strange and different circumstances.
> 
>  
> 
> (Though I wish I did, I do not own DC; or any of it's amazing characters!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If y'all have any Batjokes/Juce prompts that you'd like me to write about, I'd be extremely happy to do so! I do have a few other stories already in the works, but I would love to take requests if any of you have some!  
> <3

 

 

The rain poured down upon the Clown Prince and I as he flailed about on the ground, trying unsuccessfully to shoot me with a gag-pistol. The Joker continued to squeeze the trigger, the idea of victory quickly escaping his acid-green eyes.

"Damn it!" Joker threw the now known gag pistol away from his defeated form. I remained standing there, looking his pathetic heap of a body over. What was he expecting of me? I was still in shock, everything that happened leading up to that point had fried my brain to a crisp.

"Well, go on! Kick my ass and get your standing ovation! I'm tired of trying with you..." The weak man pulled his knees up to his chest, a sign of his frustration and loss.

I just stood there and stared at the broken clown on the carnival dirt in front of me. How could someone so prideful give up so easily? Then and there I made a decision that would change our lives forever.

"No."

Joker's head flew up so fast that I thought he would snap his neck.

"What do you mean, no? Isn't this what you want, Bat-brain? Just get it over with please, I'm getting soaked." He paused. "You are as well! Ugh! Don't come crying to me when you get the Bat-flu!"

It was evident what the Joker was doing and I wasn't going to fall for it. The Joker was trying to coerce Batman into fighting him by being annoying. This was something that the Clown Prince did often, and I fell for it nearly every time, but not tonight. Tonight was different. Something **big** was about to happen, and we could both feel it rattling our bones.

"I'm not going to fight you like this, Joker. You're not well." I walked forward and crouched down in front of the madman. The clown rolled his eyes as if to say, ‘when have I ever been,’ but I just ignored him and continued.

"We don't have to do this Joker. We don't have to end up killing each other. I... I could help you. I could rehabilitate you." I reached his hand towards the Joker's shaking frame, his body reacting from the cold without his notice. He was going into shock; with good reason. The rain was pouring on harder and harder by the minute and Gotham was well known for its unforgiving cold.

It was obvious that the Joker didn't know what to think. So much had happened in the course of just one measly week. He didn't deserve this opportunity that I was offering him. Joker knew that much. He thinks that he is too tainted. He thinks that I would just realize that and abandon him, just like everyone else had. That's one of the real reasons why the Joker never got well. Anytime he needed help, no one was there to offer a hand.

Sure, I had always been there for him, even though the worst and best times of our rivalry. But that was different. I was never around Joker for more than a few hours at a time, and when I was around; it was usually to kick his ass and put him back in Arkham. If he agreed to this offer, I would see him at his worst times. I would see his withdrawal from the various drugs that he was constantly on, as well as his flashbacks and post-traumatic episodes.

And the Joker realized that.

He didn't want to look weak.

I could read the jester-like a deck of cards lying on a table-top.

"No, it's far too late for that. I- I'm sorry, Bats." The madman lets a chuckle escape from his lips as I feel as if an elephant is sitting on my chest.  

"You know, haha, this situation reminds me of a joke." The Joker smiled up at me, pushing himself up from the ground, ignoring my still outstretched hand.

"See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was halfway across!"

The Joker met my eyes, a breathtaking smile stretching across his painted face.

"Haha! Excuse me. Hahaha!"

I understood at that moment. Everything over the years, all the gags, the pranks, the... **murders**. I was the man with the flashlight, and the Joker was the lunatic who wouldn't walk across...

I began laughing with him, the joke wasn't even that amazing; but it awoke something in me something... I hadn't truly felt in years.

Happiness.

I reached out my gauntlet-clad hands and gripped the Joker's shoulders, still laughing my ass off like a lunatic. The rain grew impossibly heavier, and I did something that I promised myself I would never do.

I pulled the jester closer to my towering frame. The madman stopped laughing, most likely thinking that I was about to break my one rule… but I didn't.

Instead of breaking the clown's bones, or clipping his air supply; I pulled the fragile man closer to me and into my chest until there was no space between us.

I _hugged_ the **Joker**.

When I calmed down enough to notice my own tears dripping out of my cowl, I also noticed the clown wiping them away from the exposed portion of my face. I should've pushed his hands away from my face, but I didn't I just let him continue as he went on to stroke my jawline with the back of his hand.

The Joker stopped suddenly, pushing me away and turning around to pace back and forth.

 

"If... if I were to take this help you're offering... what would that entail...?" The Joker began tugging at his own hair, most likely trying to ground himself to prevent a panic attack.

"Well, I wouldn’t be taking you to Arkham, we’ve seen how well that’s turned out… We’d introduce new forms of therapy eventually, most likely less medication, depending on the circumstances. You’d be housed in a cell in the Batcave, I’m not sure for how long; that all depends on you.  I honestly didn't even think you'd consider it." The Joker smirked at my words, suddenly ceasing his pacing to look up at the Gotham night sky.

"... You would've been correct a few minutes ago, but now that I'm considering it might not be a that awful of an idea." The Joker continued to look at the many intertwining constellations in the beautiful night sky as I stepped next to him.

This could not be seriously happening right now... All these years. Every **joke, gag, prank, murder, bomb,** and all I had to do was **laugh at one stupid joke**? That was all he needed for me to do in order for him to reconsider my offer of rehabilitation?

_You did hug him as well..._

Suddenly the rain began to slow, almost to a surprising halt.

 

"I can tell you one thing for certain, Joker. If you don't take what I'm offering you'll regret it for the rest of your years. That statement is true, because believe it or not, I know you. I understand how you feel, because maybe... maybe I've felt that way before too. I know you want to take what I'm offering, but maybe you're too scared."

Silence ensued as we gazed upon the Gotham skyline.

 

"You do understand the gravity of what you're wanting to do, correct? This isn't going to be a cakewalk, Bats." We looked at each other as the Joker took a cigarette carton out of his breast pocket, retrieving a cigarette and lighting it, taking a few calming puffs breathing the smoke out into the night as he ran his free hand through his thick green hair.

"Believe me, I understand that, Joker; I've known that since the beginning. This entire situation hasn't been easy. If it had been then we wouldn't be standing here right now. Everything I have done since we’ve met is to help you, whether you believe it or not; that's all I've ever wanted to do. If you want, as we go along; maybe we can even paint the cell purple or something, just please level with me here." The Joker snickered.

"All you've ever wanted to do was to paint the Bat-box purple? Well, sorry for being crass, babe, but you don't exactly need me to do that." I sighed, realizing that I had, in fact, walked straight into that one.

"Regardless of color schemes, Joker, I  just want to help you. Please... take what I'm offering?"

The Joker looked to be pondering this life-altering decision. He stroked his chin, whilst drawing a bat symbol in the dirt with the switchblade at the tip of his shoe. The Joker took one last drag and stomped the cigarette out into the ground.

He clapped his hands, and spun around, looking me square in the face.

"Okay, Bat-babe! Sign me up!" A new smile that I had never seen before crossed the Joker's face as he rubbed his gloved hands together.

A part of me was wanting to believe that he would be completely cooperative throughout this process, but the rational side of me knew that what I had just signed up for was going to be hell. But eventually, hopefully, it would be worth it.

"Okay then. Let's get out of here, you're soaked." I turned around typing the directions for the Tumbler to follow into my gauntlet. Within minutes the car arrived and I opened the passenger side door for the Joker. He climbed in, almost slipping and breaking his leg in the process.

 

I walked to the driverside and climbed in, turning the heat on full blast for the Joker, hoping that it would somewhat help with his drenched clothes.

I was about to press the auto-nav button for the Bat-Cave when I had a better idea.

"We need to stop by wherever you're staying at the moment to get some of your things." The Joker nodded his head and quickly typed the address into the Tumbler's GPS system

This night was about to get even more... interesting.

The Tumbler started heading towards the direction of the Joker's most recent hideout.

"Aye Bats, you gotta radio in this thing or are those knobs for Bat-booby traps?" I almost turned all the way around in my seat just so that I could get a good enough angle to question him on his idea of me having 'Bat-booby traps'; but I just rolled my eyes and turned the police scanner off so that the Joker could find a music station for us to listen to. I gestured towards the radio and the Joker 

clapped his hands exclaiming, 'oh goodie!' as he turned on a station that he liked.

Frank Sinatra's soothing voice soon filled the Tumblers cab and the Joker sighed in peace, finally content with something.

Everything was fine until the Joker started singing along. Don't get me wrong, he has a great voice, it's just not the best when you have a clown singing in your face, basically crawling into your lap while you're trying to focus on the road.

"Lovely, never, ever change, keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it?

**'Cause**

**I love. you**

**Just the way you look tonight."**

The Joker sighed, cheek in his palm as he turned down the radio.

"Might I add Bat-boy, you are looking lo-v-e-ly tonight..." The Joker winked at me and I just ignored him and tried to focus on our surroundings... The way he was looking at me was just carnal. It was like he wanted to... _eat me_.

I cleared my throat, as well as my head of any thoughts about Joker's... suggestion.

 

\---

What's good guys?! I've edited this chapter a bit and made it a bit more... me? Idk how to explain, I didn't quite like it before, so I just went and switched the wording up a bit, nothing too big; no need to worry :D

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? I'd be happy to hear anything Y'all have to say, seriously you guys are super sweet <3

Anyways, thanks for reading!

Love,

SOM

 

 

 


	3. Without The Blade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Wayne will stop at nothing to keep Gotham safe. Even if that means ignoring his own mental and personal needs. Maybe that's why he ended up escorting the Joker straight into the Batcave instead of an Arkham cell.  
> Maybe Bruce really is crazy... because as the days go by he starts learning more and more about the madman in his proximity, and he even begins to care more about him. 
> 
> Follow Batman and the Joker in this twisted and emotional story, and maybe you'll realize that Batman and the Joker together, isn't so crazy after all...
> 
> Set in a DCU (after the Killing Joke) where the Batman, Joker, and a few others are immortal by strange and different circumstances.
> 
> (Though I wish I did, I do not own DC, or any of it's amazing characters!)

\-----------------------

Bruce Wayne POV

\----------------------

 

_In case any of you are wondering, anytime a paragraph or a sentence is italicized, it's showing Bruce's thoughts. Kinda like he's talking to himself in his head I guess? If y'all already caught onto that then that's awesome! Anywho,_

_Thank you, please enjoy! -S.O.M._

_< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_ _< 3<3<3<3<3_

Thank God it's nighttime if it were any lighter outside the Joker's antics could've gotten him arrested and me in a hell'uva pickle with the GCPD.

The sound of Joker's keys scraping against the door of his apartment brought me back to reality. The clown kicked the door open and nothing was as I imagined it to be. I had expected a rundown, purplish-greenish mess, but nothing was odd about his home at all. The spacious living area opened into a kitchen with a rather long dining table, and a hallway peaked out leading to who knows where. Joker waved me in and I decided to follow, noting the way too normal colors of his furniture and overall apartment.

Once I stepped inside, rows and rows of bookshelves took my notice immediately. The shelves lined the walls, the only thing creating gaps between them were some small slivers of windows. A few books, in particular, caught my attention.

_Hardy? Bronte? Since when does the Clown Prince of Crime like **poetry?**_

A large window had overtaken my view as well as the beautiful Gotham City skyline behind it. I hadn't even considered his living arrangement before, but the Joker didn't live in an apartment. He lived in a penthouse which, might I add, was a meager few streets down from one of mine.

How could he afford this place? I know for a fact that he hasn't robbed a bank in years... Says it's not his "style" to do the same thing twice unless it has some better comedic purpose than the first time. Learned that the hard way...

"In case you're wondering, Bat-babe," the Joker said appearing from around a hallway corner;

"This place wasn't 'forcefully taken' from anyone, and I paid for it with clean money. Ha! I guess I was trying to be a better clown even before this 'therapy' deal!" The Joker looked up at me through his long eyelashes, wiggling his eyebrows in the process.

I turned away from the idiot and went back to surveying my surroundings.

I'm basically letting him run circles around me mentally! Just help him get his crap together and get back to the Cave!

_By 'clean' he probably meant something awful, and even if it was money that he earned, he only paid with it to avoid detection from me or the police. How would he have earned money anyways? There was no legal way for him to do so! The Joker doesn't even have a birth certificate let alone any other documents needed for legal pay. And there is no **fucking** way the Joker pays taxes._

Great, the jester was in my head without even having to try. What does that say about me? Regardless, the Joker always had an ulterior motive. Always. It's just who he is.

I sigh as the Joker vanishes back into the hallway that he had poked out of a few seconds prior.

My cape swooshes behind me as I hurry to find him. The quicker we got back to the cave the better. I came upon a set of three doors and decided to try the one with a purple handle. Thankfully the door opened with ease and I invited myself in, closing it behind me.

This room was the master suite, and it was obvious due to much more than its size.

The entire room was covered in purple, the walls, the duvet, the armchair in the corner; and what wasn't purple was green. His colors. The carpet was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was like dark emerald grass, and it was everywhere.

_Fake grass? In his fucking bedroom? What the hell?..._

I had forgotten what I was there for. There were more important things at that moment, but once again my attention was captured by a bright purple spiral sticking out underneath the pillow on his bed. I walked over and grabbed it, deciding to take a quick glance at the contents.

Drawings popped out at me, he had mainly plastered the cover in bats, but there were also stick figures that appeared to be fighting each other.

Some words were... darker than others, and they stood out clearly from the rest.

**Memories... can be vile. Repulsive little brutes, like children I suppose. Ha!**

**I'm the sanest man I know! Ha ha ha! After all, there is no sanity clause.**

**No one gets it... You can always choose madness. Madness is the emergency exit! But why can't I forget the worst of it, as I did all those years ago?**

**I slipped... And not in a funny way...**

**Why am I here? Just to bug a Bat for the rest of this cruel existence? I guess that's okay... Ha! Bug, Bat!**

_What the hell? Most of this is gibberish, but then there's shit like that..._

I was perplexed. Apparently, there was a lot more to learn about the madman that I was about to harbor; and that honestly scared me. I tucked the small journal into the back of my utility belt. I didn't have time to read the entire journal there, but eventually, I would have to... it would probably help me to understand the madman better.

Another quick glance around the room revealed a slightly ajar door near the corner of the room. I walked towards it and stopped when a stain in the carpet-grass caught my eye.

A deep red stain marked the carpet directly in front of the slightly open door.

_Is... that blood?_

I prepared myself for the sight of a dead body as I pushed myself into the room before me. Darkness enclosed me as the scent of blood connected with my senses; the only light coming from the crack in the door that I had somewhat closed behind me. I felt around for a light switch and finding one, took a deep breath.

Large amounts of blood in concentrated areas had been a bit of a mental block for me ever since my parent's death. I tried my hardest not to let it show, but unless it was coming directly out of someone who was getting the tar kicked out of them it made me feel... uncomfortable.

The light was dim, but the evidence was there. Of what I wasn't sure yet, but good grief was it messy.

Blood. Everywhere smeared all over the walls, and the tile floors of the apparent master bath that I had just walked into. The mirror above the sink couldn't really be called that any longer. Someone had broken it and it barely hung there shattered to pieces with, no surprise here, more blood caking it. The sink wasn't in any better condition, the white marble cracked and stained with the deep red.

_Did he, **murder** someone in here?_

The shower doors were also covered in blood, and that meant a number of things. A body could've been in there.

I stepped over some more prominent puddles and made my way to the shower on the other side of the spacious bathroom.

The door clicked as I opened it.

_No body_ **,** __b_ ut a large amount of blood. Possible... hell I don't know **, homicide**_

A tin box, also covered in blood, located on a shelf in the shower caught my eye. I reached out for it and as I held it in my hand it almost slipped, causing whatever was inside of it to rattle against the tin's walls.

I removed the lid and immediately regretted doing so.

 **Razor blades** , floating in what smelled like alcohol; that was tainted with a deep red.

_**What the fuck?** _

__________________________________

\------------------  
Please comment if you have any questions or even if you just want to comment to comment lol... <3 Thanks for reading! I will try to have the next chapter finished and up as soon as possible! Love Y'all!  
-SwankOceanMan

-Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit--Edit-  
(Same note on chapter one)

Wells, it's been FOREVER, but I'm finally coming back to work on this story again! I'm sorry for the long wait, and honestly, it's still probably going to be a little bit until the next chapter. (Please don't give up on me, let me explain)

I've had a pretty rough summer so far to put it gently, Y'all.

My depression, though always there, hit me even harder than before and I've been trying to climb out of the hole that it buried me further into since early June. Therefore, writing hasn't been on the forefront of my mind, at all; and for that I'm sorry. It's not fair to all of you who have been reading and expecting my updates. I'm starting to feel a little bit better, due to taking my medications regularly, (I have a BIG issue with remembering to do so, thus resulting in some major issues more often rather than occasionally) and the news of my acceptance to a surgery that will improve my life MAJORLY. (I don't have anything terminal, and I'm not sick per-se, but this surgery will change my life and make things much easier for me on a day-to-day basis.) Thank you all for sticking with my story, it means so much to me when I wake up in the morning and see that more people have viewed it. This is the first work of many, (don't worry I will finish this, it's a story that means a lot to me) I do have some other works already started; but I'm not sure when they will be posted.

My surgery is scheduled for early next month, so though I will need a bit of down time... it does mean some extra time to write! (Once I can sit at my desk, which I think will be suuuper early on in the recovery process, but I'm not positive :3 )

Once again, thank you for reading my fic, I will have an update for all of you soon I promise!

Lots of love <3

 ____

**ANOTHER EDIT, LOL:**

Heya guys! I'm back! The surgery went fantastic, and I'm doing pretty a-okay right now!

Also, as I have put on a chapter note, I got a laptop!!! That means quicker chapters!! I'm so excited!

Thank you all for putting up with me, I'm a pain in the ass I know... not updating for months... I'm so sorry!!

As a consolation, I've already updated this fic (yay!) and I have two new Batjokes fics (with another OTW) out for y'all if you're interested! :3

I truly love the awesome comments guys, you are all so sweet!

If you all have any suggestions for this fic or Batjokes ideas that you might like to see come to life, feel free to let me know; I'm super open to suggestions :)

I already have tons of ideas that I cannot wait to share with all of you, but I would like you guys to be happy as well :D

Anywho, once again, thank y'all so much!

Lot's of love,

-SwankOceanMan

*~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~*>~< *~* >~< *~* >~<*~* >~< *~*


	4. Needed, Not Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... As promised, I'm back! And, with a new laptop! Which means faster updates, finally! I apologize for the wait, getting back into normalcy after certain things that have been going on has been... difficult.  
> But now I'm back, and as I said that means more chapters, and more plot development ;)  
> Thank you for being patient with me, it means the world.  
> Love ya'll, thank you so much for reading!  
> -M

The trip to the Batcave after retrieving Joker’s items would have been simple, and uneventful; if a certain Clown Prince of Crime hadn't decided to touch everything he could get his hands on, while simultaneously trying to make my ears bleed. Every five seconds he was finding a new button to push and that included some of my own. One example is when he asked me if Bat-Leather was a real thing, and if so; "kinky." 

Thankfully the ride only lasted ten minutes or so, because I was highly considering throwing his Clown-ass out the window and onto the interstate. Then again, maybe his being trivial was for the best; as it kept my mind off of my most recent discovery as I was driving.

_ Razor blades? Was he... Does he cut himself? In Arkham, they listed that he had "self-stimming" behavior, but I thought... I never thought it was this bad. If they were for something else, like maiming someone, why were they in his shower? Hidden in a tin no less? And all the blood... Why would he just let it...  _ **_sit there_ ** _ like that? How deep did he have to cut for it to run out onto the carpet like that?  _

_ Wait... all of the blood didn't have to come from... that. He probably cleans himself up in there after our brawls, as for the uncleaned blood, he doesn't exactly have a butler to tend to his wounds; or deal with his aftercare... Even if he did he'd probably explode on them one day over something minute and kill them. _

As we arrived, I instructed the Joker to close his eyes, unless he wanted to be subdued; before he did so he let out an overly exaggerated sigh, then turning around completely in his seat just for show.

_ Fucking drama queen. _

\---

Once inside, the jester jumped from his seat exiting the Tumbler; beginning touching everything he could see in the Batcave. 

"Whoa, so this is it huh? Rather dark, but with some streamers... We could add some pizzazz!" I just rolled my eyes at that and directed him over to the one holding cell that had been placed in the Batcave for emergencies, such as a break in. 

"Well, here's your home from now until we figure something else out; or until you can behave enough for something better, I suppose." The Clown smirked at that and waltzed right into the small cell taking a look at his admittedly rather bland surroundings. 

"Shit, Bats this is almost as dull as Arkham... Not as damp though, kudos on that!" For what felt like the millionth time that day I rolled my eyes and walked away.

"I'll get you some paint and things as such if you behave as we discussed. If not, then I'm sure this entire venture will be 'bland' for you; or even worse it won't happen at all, I'll just give you back to Gordon and see how that fares." Joker seemed to understand completely at that, and with a quick salute towards me he planted himself down onto the cells small bed and began humming the theme for 'I Love Lucy'. 

I closed the cell door and moved my attention over to the monitors which happened to be almost blank and inactive for the first time in what felt like years. Apparently taking the biggest crime boss off of the streets did more than expected in such little time.

I knew that it would have an impact, but Jesus... The crime rate hasn't been this low since before the sixties, at least. Does the Joker have some type of control over all of Gotham's criminal populace? Maybe that's why they all act they hate the clown when they see him... it's all part of an act.

Or hell, maybe it's just been a really great day.

The elevator doors created an echo throughout the cave as Alfred walked towards the monitors, not even giving a second glance to the Clown Prince now begging to make eye contact with him. 

"Batman, I assume you have a certain criminal mastermind under your care for a particular reason, yes?" Al looked highly annoyed with me, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. There was no communication before I brought Gotham's most dangerous man into his household; so it was expected for him to be short.

"He made a deal with me, Al. There's nothing to worry about." The butler rolled his eyes at that and set the tea-tray that he had been carrying down onto one of the many desks that littered the cave. 

"So, I suppose I shall be preparing dinner and tea for two from now on, sir?" I shook my head in agreement and  Al took that as his queue to leave.

The Joker waited until Alfred was completely out of sight before offering his commentary.

"Some Jeeves you got there, aye Bats? Would've expected the bloke to completely lose his shit at the sight of me like everyone else; but nope! Pip pip cheerio, guvnor'!" The clown laughed out, in a rather impressive yet annoying English accent.

"Yes, well he's more dignified than the common folk. That's one of the reasons why he's so good at his job." The clown seemed pleased with that response and nodded along.

"I'll say."

\---

The night led into the morning, becoming even more uneventful than expected when harboring a fugitive. Surprisingly the clown rarely spoke and just surveyed his surroundings, and though I was happy for the silence, I know how deadly he can be once he's had time to think. Hopefully, nothing will come out of his 'good behavior',' but if the past is any clue to future acts; then we might have an issue in the time to come.

After I had him change into a suit with no gags or weaponry, and made him give me his shoes; I placed them in a secure area with most of his dangerous things that I’ve collected over the years.

Eventually, sleep was needed by both parties, so I warned him of the consequences of escape, and reminded him of the deal that we had made before finally taking the elevator up to the main level of the manor and heading to bed. While I was still in the cave I set up the necessary precautions and programmed the camera in his cell to my cell phone in order to make sure he holds up his end of the bargain at all times.

Making it to my bedroom in one semi-stable piece, I took the kevlar off and placed the Joker’s journal in the bedside table; telling myself that I’d have to go through it later as I could barely keep my eyes open at the moment.

I jumped into bed, praying for at least a sound four to five hours of sleep, and flicked the lights off as soon as my hand would do the motion.

Finding a peaceful slumber wasn't the easiest venture, but once it came I held onto it for dear life.

_ Until _ the alarm from the Joker's cell went off.

**_Grade-A motherfucking morning._ **

 

\---

 

**Okay, guys! Chapter four, I finally did it! I know it's not as long as I would've liked, but I currently have a cold and I can barely write with my eyes watering and me sneezing every few seconds lol. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed, comment if you would like :3 or if you have any suggestions or ideas that you would like me to implicate, I absolutely love hearing from Y'all, so don't be afraid to comment!**

**Until the next chapter!**

**Love,**

**SOM**


	5. Lucky As Hell

 

The alarm for the Joker’s cell in the Batcave going off at 3 am was the first hint, (apart from the thousands of others,) that life with a homicidal clown was going to be more challenging day by day. 

As soon as I could get the Batsuit on without piercing my skin on a loose weapon or cowl piece, I was running out of my bedroom and towards the Batcave.

_ Fucking knew I couldn’t trust that fucker, he just had to test me, I couldn’t get more than two hours of sleep without something going wrong! _

Making it to the elevator in record time, I punched the button almost too quickly and shot down to the cave.

  
  


Well… this…  _ this  _ is not what I was expecting.

Alfred, my good and faithful butler; had apparently let the Joker out of the cell, who was now playing a game of cards with the Brit.

“Ha! Joker’s wild!” The Joker looked genuinely pleased with his hand, but Al, well you can never tell anything by reading Alfred’s facial expression.

“What the **_fuck_ ** are you two doing? I had just fallen asleep, and thought he was escaping! Why is he out of his room?” The pair finally took the time to look up from their game to notice my arrival. Alfred acknowledged my presence and put his cards down and stood up politely.

“I apologize, sir. Master Joker was restless, so I suggested cards. As I tried to retrieve him from his cell, he tripped the alarm before I could fully shut it off. I do apologize sincerely for interrupting your sleep.” The butler bowed his head and walked back to the card game, pausing quickly to show Joker his winning hand; before collecting all of the cards including the ones Joker dropped at seeing Bruce and pocketed them.

“Good evening both of you, I trust you’ll have him back into his ‘room’ in no time, sir; I’m going to clean the kitchen on the fourth floor.” Alfred bowed and made his way to the elevator.

Much like the Joker, Alfred had little to no need for sleep; it had been an issue for him as a young man, but now he spent his nights cleaning the manor or helping Batman through the comms.

 

If only I was an insomniac.

 

“Alfred hated you not even five hours ago, how in the hell did you convince him to let you out of your cell in order to play a game of cards?” Saying I was dumbfounded was putting it lightly; the clown could see that by the exasperated look on my face.

“Oh, Batsy! It’s not hard to like little ol’ me! All it took was a bit of begging and some promises of silence if I were to comply after a few games, and well; he let me out! Honestly, I was as surprised as you are, but after reading him a bit and getting a few words out of him I realized that he’s just a lonely old chap that could use some company other than a boring Bat every now and then.” The Joker seemed sincere in his words, but with a master manipulator like him, it’s impossible to tell.

 

“You hurt him, and I’ll bend your kneecaps until your shins are touching your fucking shoulders; you hear me?” I growled out the warning, slipping completely into my other persona just so the Joker could understand the severity of the situation.

“Yes, jeez, Bats! No need to go all medieval on me and shit, I quite fancy the old man… he reminds me of someone I met some years ago while traveling about. Ha, not quite as sarcastic though, your Jeeves certainly wins _ that  _ award.” He was right about that, I would have laughed if I wasn’t so pissed off. I couldn’t count the number of times Alfred had bested me with his quick wit and dry humor. It’s just part of his many talents.

“Well, he has always been rather spry with his humor. Anyways, you need to get back into your cell; you two woke me up and I have things other than you to worry about, believe it or not.” The clown frowned at that and clambered back into his cell, slamming the door behind him locking it automatically.

“Wow, Batman really know how to make a lady feel special.” He said, rolling his eyes before belly flopping down onto his cot.

“You’re  _ no _ lady, and I’m sorry but I do have other matters to attend to during the day. Believe me, if I could make them disappear I would, but I can’t.” The Joker just grumbled into his mattress at that and I made my way back up to the manor after making sure one last time that everything was secure.

\---

The kevlar peeled off once again, I changed my clothes and climbed into bed. 

The clown was testing me with the entire Alfred situation, and I didn’t like it at all. There was going to have to be a talk with Al about letting the Joker out of his cell, without me around, or  _ period _ . I didn’t want this to become a situation where the Joker could manipulate him or anyone. That sneaky bastard was damn good at getting whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted; but that was about to change real quick.

_ That ‘Clown Prince’ was going to get a reality check, but how was the real question? What could I do to him, or take from him that he wouldn’t be numb to? That he wouldn’t just push away without a second glance? _

This shit is too complicated for someone on a few hours of sleep.

I rolled over and pulled the duvet up to my neck and closed my eyes once more.

Maybe this time sleep would hunt me down far easier now that my conscience knows that the alarms work.

\---

The Gotham sunrise woke me as it pushed gently into my open window. I arched my back, popping it before finally opening my eyes to the bright morning rays invading my bedroom.

_ Today’s a new day, Bruce.  _

_ You’ve got the Joker in the Batcave, and you’re going to deal with that.  _

_ Calmly, and smoothly. _

 

_ \--- _

Okay, guys, I know this is short again, and I'm very sorry about that (and the wait) but I'm moving right now and I just started school and aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Life is going off the walls right now!! On top of all that, there are a million other things going on as well, but I'm not going to get into that here.

Thank you all so much for reading, it means so much to me; and I'm going to have a chapter out for y'all as soon as I can, I promise!!

I love y'all!!

-M

 

 

 


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